About a week ago I came across an article on Twitter by Freya India titled, “No, Not Everyone Needs Therapy.”
In it, she outlined how our current culture “pathologizes normal distress and presents therapy as the solution to all problems.” In other words, therapy is no longer just a means to an end (i.e. a way to get better), it’s become an end in itself.
Oof. You know that punch-in-the-gut, nail-on-the-head feeling? Yeah, I got it.
Before I get into my thoughts, let me just get something out of the way. I was in therapy for many years. It helped me a great deal, especially in my younger, underdeveloped prefrontal cortex years. With the help of my therapist, I was able to develop a razor-sharp self-awareness, learn how to troubleshoot problems and communicate what I’m feeling.
But, you know what it didn’t do? It didn’t solve all of my problems. It didn’t miraculously heal me. It didn’t make the pain of my past disappear. This is because therapy was never meant to be a one-size-fits-all cure for suffering, it was meant to be one part of a larger solution.
For many years, humans have placed psychology on an idolic throne. We’ve figured that if we can just understand why we feel a certain way, then we can solve it. But understanding is not the same as having a remedy. The conflation of these two things, I think, is a direct result of the under-spiritualization of mental health.
Here’s what I mean.
There are certain pillars in our lives that protect us against the weight of life’s suffering. They are very basic: community, family, occupation, health, and religion (more or less). Community gives us a sense of belonging and reassures us that we’re contributing positively to our environment. Family gives us a sense of stability and unconditional love. Our occupation, personal interest, or educational path gives us a sense of responsibility and direction. Health ensures that we have the means to keep going every day. And religion–perhaps the most important pillar–gives us an existential framework that grounds us and gives us purpose.
Of course, not all of us have the privilege of having these boxes checked. Some of us are born into dysfunctional families. Some of us battle with chronic illnesses. Some of us, for one reason or another, will never get to pursue our “dream job.” I wish, from the bottom of my heart, that everyone could start with all of the cards stacked in their favor, but life is unfair and a tragedy.
I faintly recall Jordan Peterson talking about this at a lecture I attended. As a clinical psychologist, he helped his patients by encouraging them to solidify at least three of these pillars. This is because when we have three, our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being start to stand a chance. We have forces we can lean on for resilience when disaster comes our way.
If we have five, well, we’re as good as rich. But odds are at least one of these pillars will be wavering at any given time.
I know I’m sort of pointing out the obvious here. But how many business, sports, and self-help books out there are written solely to remind us about the importance of going “back to the basics?” If it’s true that professional athletes should always return to the fundamentals when they’re going off-course (physical, technical, tactical, and so on), isn’t it true for you and me?
So many of us learn something once and then forget about it. It’s human nature to look for solutions that are newer, more creative, and more original than the ones staring us in the face. But the basics work because they are the foundation of everything. They are sacred. They transcend time and cultural relevancy.
I love that mental health is starting to become destigmatized, but we have to remember that our therapists are (in the nicest way possible) just some random people with psych degrees. They are struggling humans, like us. Our problems cannot be solved by learning therapy-speak or packaging our trauma up into a nice little box.
The depths of our inner world are deeper and more impenetrable than most of us dare to acknowledge. That’s why it’s so important we don’t trivialize our issues by throwing a bandaid on them. When the ground underneath us starts to shake, we have to remember the big picture, take responsibility for our suffering, and return to the basics.